Most conversations about love begin in the wrong place. They begin with the other person. What they said, what they didn’t say, whether they showed up, whether they can be trusted. This isn’t unreasonable. Relationship is relational; attention naturally moves outward. But often clarity doesn’t begin with the other person at all. It begins somewhere…
One of the most sophisticated forms of manipulation occurs when someone deliberately, or unconsciously, activates another person’s survival system and then uses that activation as evidence against them. This dynamic is far more common than most people realize. It appears in intimate relationships, families, workplaces, organizations, social movements, marketing campaigns, and political discourse. It can…
I have been forged in the fire of doubt, lies, and forgetfulness, and I am made of self-love. In addition to granting us the ability to be more joyful and make a greater positive impact in the world, self-love is an inoculation against some of the most challenging experiences in life. It is the armor…
As Brene Brown says, guilt is the feeling that comes from having done something bad. Shame is the feeling that comes from feeling you are bad. While shame can have a positive impact, such as helping us to socially conform, very often when people speak of shame, they are talking about toxic shame. The base…
Lapses in confidence are common, but when we are left feeling like we have somehow fallen short regardless of our accomplishments, it might be time to look a bit deeper to find out what might be driving this feeling. I remember a client of mine several years back asking, “How do I love myself? What…
As common (but not as tasty) as peanut butter and chocolate is the unhealthy bond between narcissists and empaths. Narcissists are those people who are arrogant, lack empathy, and are ultimately self-serving. They manipulate to get what they want—not necessarily intentionally. Under this thick veil of ego is a very wounded person. However, the nature…
Even if you have spent a significant amount of time on your own healing, you can end up in a relationship so toxic that it takes its toll on your otherwise healthy life. This is particularly true of our romantic relationships or our other closest relationships. Elucidating contributing factors to our experience of unhealthy relationships…
It takes a very small amount of empathy and compassion to recognize that if someone is getting angry, then very often, something is wrong. Yet we so often miss this point—even when relating to the people close to us. We often miss the point because of an underlying belief we have about anger being “wrong”…
One key to being more empowered in our life is self-acceptance—truly embracing all of ourselves, both the good and the not-so-good. When we embrace all of who we are, when we\’re willing to move into a place of true acceptance, it eliminates a lot of confusion. It limits the other challenges that arise when we\’re…
Compassion, freedom, love, integrity, vulnerability, and happiness are built on the bedrock of our trust in ourselves. When we can look in the eyes of the person standing in front of the mirror and know that we are showing up to the truth of who we are, we have everything. Life’s betrayals do not just…